i want your oponions please!!

**سواقة** · 10-09-2006, 04:39 AM

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this is two of my poems which i hope you read and comment on them
)be attention to the grammatical rules as i'm a beginner)
pleazzzz i want the truth nothing but the truth as this is the first participate from me in this beautiful forum

hope you find them enjoyable.

She made me mad
Where's she hide
I asked an old ghost
Where's she sit almost
It gave me the guide
And I seek in all side

It was too late
When I found the answer
It was unfortunate
As my love to her is disaster

I can't see her again
That made me unhappy
Her love is a great pain
Which increase my worry

How can I express
I crave to hug and kiss,
Whom took over my heart
And draw herself in as an art

Before my tears flow
Know that she is++ yoyo ++
Every day your love is grow
Nothing can stop its blow

the other one

]I hate you really, really I do
As you try to deceive me yoyo
Go out and shut the door
Don't talk to me again
As there's no need to explain
When I love you I was misdo
I hate you really, really I do
As you try to annoy me yoyo

Forget me and Good bye
If you don't apologyI

**lingo** · 10-09-2006, 03:11 PM

you are disoriented with your ideas and the poems are not clear .
When you compose a poem ,you need to be relaxed and flow with ideas .I suggest you read more and try to imitate a poet at the beginning .You have a taste in writing but you need to work a little bit .Just don't stop write more and more and let others help you by evaluating .One more thing you listen to those who can taste English poetry .
Keep writing

**سواقة** · 13-09-2006, 03:52 AM

thanks my dear lingo for yuor passing
but where are the others

**enigma** · 14-09-2006, 04:46 PM

While I was reading your words I felt that i'm reading lyrics

I guess you do tend to that kind of poetry

The second poem reminded me of a famous hit " I will survive " o

You have your way but really need to watch out for the way you express the words in English cause you're still thinking as if you're writing in Arabic

We'll be waiting for your next poem